Once upon a time, famous rich-person Richard Branson went kitesurfing with a naked woman strapped to his back. Why? "Because fuck you, that's why", said Branson before wiping his butt with hundred dollar bills (or so I heard that's how it went). Anyhow, shortly thereafter Stephen Colbert was caught in an equally compromising position, vacuuming with a naked woman on his back, while dressed like Richard Branson. This is why I'm trying to get rich, people: I am so rarely ridden by naked women, and I feel left out.