Posts Tagged 'Sex Talk'

Talk About Sex!

The Huffington Post has come up with 15 ways to talk about sex. It claims to be nothing more than random thoughts jotted down, and it reads that way, but the third on the list -- the "economic" method of communicating sexual needs -- made at least twelve Objectivists come in their pants. "We can reduce sexuality down to mere free-market transactions of mutual benefit? I'm finally going to get laid!"


Sex Talk Chart!

If you're one of those guys who needs a chart to do anything useful, here's the one to get printed on a poster and tape to your ceiling: a venn diagram of how to talk during sex. Good: "Oh God!" Bad: "We're going to hell for this." Good: "ROAR!" Bad: "SOOOWEEEE!". The bad "Thanks" string at the top is awesome, too. Better yet, just read the bad side: for one, it helps more to know what not to say; better yet, find a girl who is turned on by that side of the chart, and you better fucking hold on to that woman forever, you'll never have crazy-ass sex like that ever again.

Absurd Entendres!

Don't read the article for the content, it's all very generic shit, but the author starts off with an obvious intention: fill the generic article with the most unsexy sexual references possible. My favorites: "parking the beef bus in tuna town", "stuffing the monkey", and "putting the monster in the cave", all of which show that the writer has probably never actually had sex before, although it was described to her by five 14-year-old boys who claimed to have totally touched boobs before, yo. Excuse me, I've gotta go find Gracie and "waddle past the fruitcart", you know, "lick the nine-volt batteries", so to speak, "drop the needle on side B", "check my mailbox at the UPS Store", "go all House on her lupus," "rub my penis against her vul-", wait, that doesn't sound right.

DHS: Lacks Sex Acronyms!

Asylum, via Smoking Gun, found the Department of Homeland Security's "sex acronym" list. The problem? The list was missing a whole lot. Still, they both seem a bit behind: neither mentions having a BWA glean your Wheaties in exchange for a little Q on A, so to speak.


At long last, now when I upload dildo pictures all over the place at a Wiki, they won't keep getting deleted. Launched yesterday, Carnalpedia is a wiki for the porn set. Being a wiki, which is almost entirely user-created, there's not much of anything there at the moment. However, this is your chance: get your creepy fetish validated by creating a Carnalwiki page for it! Write glowing reviews about your favorite porn star, so anybody who says anything bad is thus the dissenter! Photos of your penis might, finally, actually be worthwhile to the webpage's content! This opens the doors for pretty much every creepy thing you do on the internet...and because it's a Wiki, now you're an authority on creepy internet sex acts!