As if Zumba doesn't already make my pants tight, I have even more reason to be excited. A Zumba workshop in Maine decided to pick up some extra clients on the side, and has been shut down for prostitution. Proprietor Alexis Wright allegedly serviced male customers when she wasn't shaking her moneymaker helping middle-aged women feel better about themselves. Supposedly her clientele was more than just your average man on the street: there's rumors that a local TV personality may have been caught up in the sting, seeing as they're likely to reveal her client list.

In the Caribbean, there's a new dance craze called "daggering," in which sex is simulated in frantic, violent ways. That doesn't sound like a lot of fun in the first place, but people have tried taking it to the next logical step, daggering while naked in bed. Careful, sloppy daggerers: you're asking for a ruptured penis. Maybe that's how it's supposed to be done, but everybody's so afraid of dry humping that the media has banned broadcast of anybody daggering.