According to a new study, masturbation helps nasal congestion. Yes, it was released on April 1st, but the journal references aren't April Fool's related, so it's just a wacky coincidence that such a weird story would come out on a day when weird stories are usually ignored. That may be why this amazing solution to so much discomfort would be ignored: scientists, from now on, avoid the "masturbation cures X" stories until later in the year; people won't believe you!