Excuse me, Nylabone, I'm not sure what you think I do with my pets, but this does not look like something I should be sharing with my dog. At 10", this is pretty close to actual sex-toy size, although it's probably hard as a rock...if you're into that sort of thing. It has been a long tradition that it's nearly impossible to tell them apart much of the time, which goes to show what dog-toy designers have on their mind most of the time. My new Kickstarter: hybrid dog/sex toys -- half the manufacturing process, since we reuse the same molds for both, just different packaging, we'll be brazillionaires!

OK, I've read just about everything else in the bathroom, so now I'm down to the girly crap. Not one to sit on the can in boredom, I had to read something. In this month's Woman's Day, I find this Tidy Cat ad:

click for larger

The headline is "Ramen & Vinyl Records: Keep Home Smelling Like Home", with a picture of lame hipster with his two cats. First impression: what jerk names his cats "Ramen" and "Vinyl Records?" Because that's so stupid that I can't even - er, wait - upon second reading: is that what his apartment smells like? Ramen and vinyl records? Dude, if your vinyl smells, you gotta stop buying the mildewed basement records at rummage sales. The stuff is called "Premium Scoop Small Spaces," so my guess is Hipster Jerk there has two cats in a studio apartment, and thinks the cat smell is the reason chicks bail when they see his home. No, dude, if your thick black-rimmed glasses, ironic stocking cap in 80° weather, and thriftshop fleece-lined 70s coat didn't scare her off, your shelves of Dragonlance books, poorly hidden Hustlers, and empty fridge are working against you more than a cat box. By the way, clean the catbox more often - once every time rent is due isn't enough.