Teens Invent Sex!

This just in: sex has been invented by the latest generation of humans. Until now, humans have reproduced via an asexual method of procreation which existed only in darkened rooms and did not require the participation of even the human releasing their reproductive spores. In this landmark event, "Millenials" have decided that young humans are actually quite equipped to have sexual encounters with whoever they feel like, when they want, but are discovering they are only moderately prepared for the emotional fortitude required to do it in a healthy way. This revelation has stunned - stunned - older generations, who never had sex their entire lives, and are certain there was never anything fun about sex. More on this breaking story as it transpires.

In all seriousness, though, when hasn't there been a shocking - shocking - look at the sexual habits of freshly-minted adults? Just consider every True Stories, Men's Adventure, Skin Mag, and CosmoWannabe from the past hundred years. Salacious views of "the changing landscape of sexuality" has been selling magazines for years, when, really, it comes down to an interesting fringe comprised of a social movement with hedonistic undertones ("hookup culture" versus "free love" versus "flappers") stoking the fears and jealousy of those not involved, while everyone else is pretty much just having sex whenever it becomes available. And so it goes, humanity.

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