I don't even know where to begin; this must be the UK's version of The Onion. Look out - satan worshippers are trying to recruit your kids! And by satan-worshippers, they mean Crowley's O.T.O., which has nothing to do with the Devil, but they had a sexy picture of Peaches Geldorf so that must be it. Strangely, they take the word of a "white witch" that satanists are trying to steal your children, which is a weird authority on Satan. Kabbalists are a better authority on Satan than pagans are, really, so Madonna should have been their go-to expert on the Devil. But - FEAR! MORTALS! - you gotta make sure people are terrified, and nothing's more terrifying than the attention-starved child of a famous musician joining a trendy religious organization.

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