Stupid Onesies!

Guys, guys, guys: don't do this. Apparently nonthreatening male musicians are dressing like toddlers and going out in public in onesies. It's one step down from looking like some tracksuit Italian mobster, but without the kickass gold-framed cataract-surgery sunglasses. Infantilizing your masculinity is doing you no favors, and the fact that eternally-eleven-years-old Justin Bieber hasn't worn- OH JESUS CHRIST BIEBER WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. Fuck it all, guys, women aren't interested in children. If they ever babysat, been an older sister, or are mothers themselves, the muscle-memory of unzipping a onesie means there's a poopy diaper inside, and nobody wants that.

That said, though, women in onesies are fucking hot. This lady doesn't agree with me, but even she sees that onesies make a guy look like a pussy. Get some real fucking clothes, dude.


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