Men: Do This!

The Frisky wants men to know that there's only 23 things you need to do to get a hot chick. First of all: Men, you are doomed to fail. If you wonder why women have unrealistic expectations for their partners, this is it, right here. "The imagination to surprise me" and "You gotta know how to make a woman feel like your sexy ideal" and "The sexual confidence to make the first move" are the kind of mind-reading shit that women don't realize is a hairs-breath away from being really creepy. No, she doesn't actually want to be treated like a sexual ideal that's ready for the first move and prepared to be surprised. This is Sixteen-magazine bullshit where they want a man who appears this way, but behaves chastely and respectfully. This is the kind of shit women wish for, but cut things off after date #2 because the guy's too much of an asshole, and lists the things he did to fulfill the Frisky list as cues for his crappiness.

Now, if the list cut out the mind-reading fantasy bullshit, it's not too bad. Primarily, it filters out the lazy jerkwads who are interested in being served by their partners. If a guy can't cook, doesn't own real furniture, or can't dress himself, that's a clue, ladies, that he's looking for a mom and a toy. Keep away from the fantasy shit, though (seriously, what dude has the money for a nice suit?) and the list is pretty good. The fact that they end it with the Old Spice ideal of the ideal man - he's on a horse! - proves that there's a higher bar here than humanly possible. Seriously, that dude was just on a boat, and now he's on a horse; that can't really happen.

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