Those amusing lads over at Santa Enchilada have documented the seven stages of first-time sex. It sounds like a team effort, in which their five writers put together all of their experiences (seeing as there were only 3 sexual experiences between them all, the other two got to use examples from television sitcoms) and narrow it down to one common list. A few near-misses, that were not unanimous but highly represented, were the steps entitled "crying," "lying about contraception", and "pretending your partner is somebody more attractive".