Bits 'n' Pieces!

What does Joel Stein do when he moves in across from the main office? He and his friend bake brownies, and realize just how totally lame they really are.

Men arrested for soliciting sex in New York are sent to "Johns School". Pearls of wisdom taught are "have a flashlight" and "imagine if your wife were a prostitute" (the latter sounds more like a bedroom game). One member of the class said that if he feels like straying from his wife of 43 years again, he'll find a girlfriend instead. Another classmate made sure to invite a female reporter to sit next to him. It's good to see these classes really do change men's nature! I had no idea showing videos of syphillis infections was so effective.

Five transgendered girls decided to cut corners on their body transformation, and instead went on the advice of a non-doctor who offered to inject silicone directly into their bodies. Whoops, who'da known that something would go horribly, horribly wrong at this so-called "silicone party"? Unfortunately, the non-doctor is still at large, while two of the customers are hovering near death.

Put some clothes on, whores! That's the tone of this article, by a woman who claims to have seen more breasts recently than David Hasselhoff. My question: how do you quantify the number of breasts seen by Hasselhoff lately?

Orgasms in women cause an interesting event in their brains: Many things turn off. While a lot of men would find this ripe for snide comments, I choose not to. I'm too nice for that.

Chinese Sex-Ed dolls are anatomically correct, and much comfier to snuggle with at night!

William Windsor lives his life as a little girl... While I can't object to his life choice, it seems unbelievably impractical. Oh, wait, he's got a lifelong trust fund -- go right ahead, mister! Again, proof that money can buy you whatever you want, even the ability to poop in a diaper all day long.

Pen Gillete and Paul Provenza filmed a huge part of the comedic world all telling the same joke, and made a film. While multiple comedians all telling the same joke might not be everyone's idea of a great time (as it might not if the joke were about chickens and roads), reviewers are all claiming The Aristocrats is the funniest thing ever. My problem with the film: I don't understand the joke. "The Aristocrats" is the punchline? Maybe the joke is more like chickens crossing roads than I thought.

The real problem in child porn has been caught: A guy who sells children's swimsuits from his home via the internet. No, he isn't photographing naked kid's genitals or children in sexual poses (both key indicators of child pornography, according to the law). No, he has photos of kids wearing a thong bathing suit on his website advertising the product, among photos of kids in other swimsuits. Fashion crimes may not be illegal, but I doubt this will ever stand up in court as a crime. Too bad the child advocates fighting child porn are diverting time and money into punishing this guy; there's plenty of kids in real peril and genuine sleazeballs out there creating child porn, that punishing some guy with a website showing completely clothed children is pure folly. I could go into the potential legal liability for parents who buy kiddythongs, swimming pools that allow kiddythongs, and government-owned swimming areas that allow kiddythongs, but it's too asinine to even think about.

And, speaking of teens and sex responsibility, Judy Blume's Forever is back with a new edition. Blume, in this interview, talks about what the book means today, 30 years after it's original publication, in the context of everything that's happened since 1975.

Parents are outraged that their kids would meet with their friends online and safely masturbate with each know, as opposed to the preferred method of having body-on-body sex with one another. A sex expert interviewed tries to reassure parents that kids rarely have virtual sex, so this is an anomaly and not to be worried about it. Way to go, parents! Rest assured, if your kids are acting out sexually (which they are, because that's what teens do), they're doing it in person, actually having sex with each other, instead of those naughty chats with their friends from school. Oh, and the parents who are outraged are, of course, exempt from any responsibility because they have no control over their kids' internet use, right? My God, people, do you hear yourselves?!? Cheers to the kids for naming the arrangement the "Safe Sex Club." Jeers to the one lame kid who recorded video of a girl masturbating and released it on the internet. Child pornography charges for you, bucko!

A UK soap opera innocently showed an unregistered domain name in an episode, and quickly found out how fast pornographers work: before the show's regular viewers could put down their cat and waddle to the computer, the domain name had already been registered and redirected to a porn site. I've wanted to do this many times after seeing a fake domain mentioned on The Simpsons or The Family Guy, but I waddle much too slow.

How to Get Your Husband to Slow Down and Caress Your Hair and Love Doing It: Detroit Free Press writer Susan Ager looks at alternatives to sex-manuals promising mind-blowing intercourse. Having given up on her own library of sex manuals, Ager talks of growing beyond the superficial desire for ultimate sexual gratification, hoping for a more mutual, friendly form of satisfaction. Oh no, she doesn't talk of giving up sex: instead she has taken notice of what fills the space between sexual escapades. Her imaginary happiness-manual title may just be The Joy of Not Even Touching.

Verbal sexual content on TV is more powerful than the visuals, according to a U of Michigan researcher. 2/3 of the respondents were women, which may be a big indicator in why the results were this way: women do prefer erotica and suggestive stories, where men like to see what's going on. It's still interesting to see this applied to prime-time TV shows like Friends, That 70s Show, and Dawson's Creek.

the '.xxx' domain is now a reality, and may be available as soon as this fall, for the awe-inspiring price of $60. High prices, no incentive to drop the .com domain might not take off as fast as people would like.

Condom ads come to prime time. It's kinda surprising, since no unmarried people have sex and all married people procreate without impedment -- who's their target market? Oh, wait...I caught a touch of orthodoxy for a second, but I'm feeling better now. Use condoms, people. They help prevent a lot of painful crap. Sidenote: these new commercials exclude Trojan Man and sexual innuendo. Thank you, Trojan, for ending the funny; it was annoying.

Asexuality is overlooked, but shouldn't be discounted as abnormal any more than homosexuality should. Think about the people you've, I can think of several people who had no interest in sexual relations with anyone.

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