BPA: Penis Killer!

Sure, bisphenol-A makes your water bottles firm and keeps metals from leeching into your canned beans, but it is killing your penis. From the level of hyperbolic fear induced in the first few lines of this article, I can only infer that men who have touched BPA plastic at any point in their lives eventually see their dick shrivel up, fall off, and disappear in a cloud of dust, like some vampiric dildo. Not so, says the article: they checked with a couple hundred people working at a manufacturer in China, who showed a slight higher likelihood of sexual dysfunction when they had significant contact with BPA - and, Jesus, they're working in a Chinese chemical plant, they're lucky their dick hasn't shriveled up and fallen off. They didn't mention that each of these men only had three fingers on each hand, could sense changes in the approaching cosmic winds, and in some cases pooped pure pewter. And those were the lucky ones. BPA in high doses: bad. BPA in your complimentary NPR water bottle: stop worrying, you fucking pansy.


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