Sex, Liquor, Fat = DEATH!

The World Health Organization has identified the biggest killers in the world: Child nutrition, sanitation, sex, alcohol, and high blood pressure. Those first two seem focused sharply on third-world countries, but we modern worlders love our sex, booze, and high-blood-pressure causing Bloomin' Onions. Given that's over half of the problems plaguing mortality rates today, the United Nations convened a special session on how to combat these dangers specifically, and UN Peacekeepers have been dispatched to burn every Hooters and strip-club buffet to the ground.

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