If you've ever wanted to hear Ozzy describing a sexual encounter with Sharon Osbourne, his new book does so. "I end up pumping away on top of Sharon like a road drill all night, with nothing happening" Holy shit, that sentence made me cum like a racehorse. Imagine the horror and disappointment of the black-clad metal-emo teens who buy the book, against their parents' objections, only to hear about Ozzy's erectile dysfunction. Kids gotta grow up sometime.