Next week, President Obama will be parking his rusty van a block away from the playground, with "Free Candy" spraypainted on the side. Even worse: he's going to talk to the children about personal responsibility and achievement. Indoctrination! Brainwashing! Obama appears on TV, and he's going to undo all the hard work done to turn the children of America into conservative assholes! Parents: you have the most influence on raising your children to be assholes, so stop accusing the President of messing that up. Don't worry: your douchebaggery is not lost on the youth of America, Conservative Parents.