Speidi: Orgasm Ignorant!

Heidi Montag, whom I only know as one of the bigger assholes on that one celebrity jungle show, claims her husband, the doughy and more-assholey Spencer Pratt, gives her 30 orgasms a day. Being a conservative Christian, my guess is Montag is unsure what an orgasm is, and from what she overheard at prom, it's kinda like a backrub, or something, and is very concerned about how some women can't get more than fifteen or twenty a day, because all she has to do is whine and say what a hard day she's been having, and Spencer gives her a little orgasm while watching The View, or on his way to the bathroom. Spencer's jackassery, no doubt, comes from sexual frustration; he's excited, of course, about Heidi's lad mag appearance, to which Heidi added, "psst, you can write about the porn, but don't tell my dad, OK, and make sure your readers don't tell anybody." No word yet on whether Heidi understands what pornography is yet, either.

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