Too Ugly To Work
Here's a warning: if you're too ugly, you're going to be unemployed, even if it's not your fault. You deliberately ugly people, with your sharpied-eyebrows and bad goatees, you've got no excuse, so pull up your pants and cover your embarassing tattoos, and you might not have so much to complain about: at least you're not the guy in the article, who's ugly and can't help it!