Whadda ya know? I've come up with a new feature for RedBloodedThing! It's amazing how often this stuff shows up in the news - downright sickening. It's far less rare than one might think. The new feature is unamusingly called...

Everyone loves the female teachers, right? First-year teacher Elizabeth Stow, 26, had sex with three different students during her short term at the school, along with throwing in a DUI around the same time, just for fun. A few days ago, as seems common with these losers, plead not guilty, but the judge may sentence her to 10 years based on the evidence on hand already.

Freckle-faced Gwen Anne Cardozo, 33, seduced a student while teaching at Wasson High School. She admits to having sex with the student, 17, three times a week over the span of two months -- but denied it until threatened with a lie detector test. Colorado has stepped up the stakes, thankfully; she could get life in prison if the Parole Board deems her a 'continuing risk,' but at minimum 8 years.

Australia isn't immune from sick bastards, either...the teacher is not named, but his crimes are: sexually assulting two male students, aged 12 and 14, while working at two different Catholic schools, spanning 16 years. My guess is these weren't the only two students he abused. I could make Catholic jokes, but it's not worth it.

This bruiser, Anthony Laufgraben, 34, a former Cardozo High School teacher, was caught trying to solicit a 14-year old boy on the internet for sex in a New York park. Oops -- the 14-year-old boy, happily, was an undercover cop, who gladly accepted Laufgraben's advances until there was enough to arrest him. His punishment? 6 months in jail and 5 months probation.

Other new technology trips 'em up, too -- Jesus Partida, 35, teacher at Saucedo Scholastic Academy, has been removed from his position and is pending charges when the mother of a student found at least two cellphone text messages on her daughter's phone from Partida, soliciting sex acts. Of course, Partida denies the accusation. They always do.

Also from the Chicago area, Waukegan High School teacher Raymond Tobias, 64, was was charged with sexual misconduct for inapproprate contact with a 16-year-old student while she was making up a test alone in his classroom. When she asked a question, Tobias brushed up against her breast inappropriately seven times. Finished with her make-up test, Tobias asked the girl to stay while he corrected the test, positioning the chairs in a way that had his leg between her thighs. Smartly, the girl told her parents, who contacted police.

How would a first-grade teacher get charged with sexual contact with a minor? The article doesn't say how Richard Becker, 41, earned his badge, but if it has to do with a first-grader, maybe it's better we don't know.

GI Joe can't keep his hands to himself, either. ROTC instructor Edwin Danny Reaid, 54, has resigned his teaching position following 8 sexual abuse counts total, stemming from inappropriate and nonconsentual contact with a student under age 16. This story has an interesting quick-fact: in 2003, 21 NC teachers had their licenses revoked for sexual contact with a minor, and only 8 did in 2004.

Don't limit the scorn to teachers.

Assistant Girl's Basketball Coach at Independence High School, Michael David Shannon, 35, has been charged with sexually abusing a 14-year-old girl.

A Hawaiian dance instructor Daniel E. Jones, 20, has been charged with sexual assult of three 13-year-old girls and one 14-year-old. The owner of the dance studio has come out to support Jones...I doubt many parents would feel comfortable sending their children to dance class there anymore.

This guy, however, keeps getting hired despite his history. Wise parents have been much more vigilant than the schools in checking teacher backgrounds: on suspicions, parents checked into the history of Sean Ford, 35, finding out that the coach of their children had sexually abused two of his players in the past. A winning volleyball history seems to be more important to the schools than finding out why he was fired and banned from the campus of a previous coaching assignment. Strangely, the school board simply removed his teaching certificate -- and made no recommendation to police, citing they weren't sure he broke any laws, allowing him to move from one school to another after being discovered. Florida should take a few lessons from Colorado.

This Florida teacher, however, didn't get away with it -- Carlos Diaz, 42, of Coral Gables High School, touched a 16-year-old student's genitals inappropriately (not that teachers ever have an appropriate way). Police were put on the case, and he awaits trial.