Posts Tagged 'Sex Sells'

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Lego Honeys!

Don't look now, but the Legos you knew and loved decades ago have grown up with you. Now, it's quite clear there's nothing actually "lego" about these photos - they look more like an ad for encouraging high-bandwidth pornography. They appear to be a creative advertising agency's way to build buzz about themselves; Lego will eventually disperse a press releace denouncing the ads, and some ad company will say "it was an internal project; we never intended for it to 'get out'". It doesn't even look like Legos in any way: Legos have never been 1x1 ratio when seen from the side, and there's no posts on the tops of the blocks these seminude ladies are made from. If you shrink a nude jpeg down to a few pixels wide, enlarge it, and build it out of blocks in a way to create shadows, then maybe that's what we're seeing. Legos, not so much.

AdultVest: Financial Security!

AdultVest sure sounds like some naughty outerwear with the nipples cut out, but it could actually be a sound investment, if you ask the people in charge of it. The adult-industry-centric hedge fund has been around since 2005, and you can bet if the managers aren't jumping out of windows or staring blankly at CNBC's stock tickers, they're doing better than most.

Sweden: Sexy Ads!

Records are good things, right? Last year, Sweden had a record number of overly arousing advertisements; I doubt they'd seen those Flo Progressive that's sexy. Anyhow, Sweden has a Trade Ethical Council against Sexism in Advertising, who watches out for sexually charged and offensive ads, and it's their list that has a record number. Every cloud has a silver lining, right? At least it gives Swedish advertisers a target goal for 2009!

Topless Coffee in Maine!

Now there's an excellent business model: topless coffee shop. An entrepeneur in Maine is looking to turn an old motel into a boobie-exposing java event, thus removing the perils of normal topless bars: drunks, night-life, stripper-pole-injuries. It does, however, include the promise of seeing naked breasts - how could it lose!??!

Porn = Internet Technology!

At this time of year, we should all be thankful for those things that bring us so much happiness throughout the rest of the year: internet porn. Porn is the reason we have an internet like it is today: streaming media, live chat, proper billing and CRM methods...and spam, malware, and pop-unders. Oh, well, Santa needs something for his naughty list, you know.

Virgin Mary in Playboy

Playboy, usually not one to stir up religious controvery, has portrayed the Virgin Mary on the front of their new issue. This, unfortunately, makes people acknowledge the fact that Jesus' mom was totally nude underneath her robes! That is so amazingly hot. While it's remarkable that Playboy has done it, I wouldn't be surprised to find that Hustler has already done an even naughtier "Son of God" spread. We expect that from Hustler, but Playboy? I thought they were classier than that.

Mom'll Find Your Porn

Kotaku has a video of a new Gamestop commercial, probably designed for 'rowdier' channels like G4 or Spike, which shows Mom going through your room looking for Christmas-gift ideas and finding your porn stash. Yeah, "Christmas gift ideas", that's why Mom goes through your room. Whoever wrote the commercial apparently believed their parent's excuse for 'accidentally' finding their pot stash in the 1980s - "I was going to give you a gift, but now look at how you treat our hospitality!" - and thought it'd make a good commercial. It's probably the kind of idiot who has enough money for porn and video games, but still lives with his Mom. Loser.

Garrison Girls Nude Calendar

It's that time of the year again: calendar time. And, thank the lord, there are lots of women willing to pose nude for a good cause. Today's good-cause-nudists are the Garrison Girls, a bunch of hot British army wives raising money for support for their troops. No word on how you can get one in the US, but if you're a Brit, you can get them online.
More samples via The Sun here.

Erection Day!

It's Erection Day - hooray! Register your vote for either Harry Hardcock or Dick MacJohnson for president of the sex toys! It's like a fucking cocked-up Island of Misfit Toys, but without that douche King Moonracer. We're a god-damned democracy here in the sex-toy world, you fucking misfit-toy-monarchy! The only problem is, I can't vote for either candidate; I'm registered as an 'Independent' and I voted for Lefty Palmerson in the primaries.

Australia: Best Gas Stations Ever

Australia has the best convenience stores ever: you can buy hardcore porn when filling your car. The government, of course, is going to ruin the fun by cracking down on magazines that emphasize extreme naughtiness or the youngness of their models. Bastards.

Viva Viagra Missile = BAD

Driving a missile around New York City won't get you into trouble, but violating a trademark sure will. Political protestor Arye Sachs painted the phrase "Viva Viagra" across a replica missile and drove it around town, distributing politically-themed condoms. No go, said the courts: "people would mistake the missile for a Pfizer-approved ad." Wait, really? Pfizer, however, has since launched a series of animated commercials featuring 'Stiffy', the Viagra-popping Minuteman Missile. The similarity to Sachs' protest is circumstantial they say: Pfizer cl! aims they got the idea from the Nasonex bee, because that god-damned bee is so fucking sexy.

Naughty Science

Sometimes scientists are just too nerdy to see what they're doing. Jacks of Science have compiled a list of unintentionally sexual diagrams and titles of scientific abstracts. My favorite: From hairy balls to hairy rods. I don't need to read any more than that!

Serra Paylin's Debut

We heard that Hustler was hiring a Sarah Palin pornstar lookalike, and now we get to meet her. Billed as "Serra Paylin", in the fine tradition of LOLCat pornstar naming, she's obviously quite a bit younger than her namesake, but she does have the squarish jaw, high cheekbones, and smile-lines of the anti-women Alaskan governor. I can only hope she has the accent down; Hustler has deep pockets, enough to hire a dialect coach or two for the young lady to make the resemblance arousingly uncanny. Of course, once you get to the huge breasts and the willingness to fuck hot guys on camera, then the ! similarities starts to break down, but nobody's perfect, and while we can let your pornstars slip by with some imperfections it's a good thing we hold our VP candidates to such high expectations of perfection.

More on Nailin' Palin, which also says Nina Harley, a pal of my Gracie's, is playing Hillary Clinton.

XKCD and 69

XKCD, a lovely comic known for its humor eclipsing its artistic quality by orders of billions, has tried to explain the numeric basis of sexual positions, using stick figures. Square root of eight, indeed.

Katy Perry In Doll Form

If you have kissed a girl and you liked it, you could buy yourself a Katy Perry Realdoll and replay the event in your mind over and over and over. Blackbook tried to get one, but were turned down, so all they can do it go with the Barbie-sized Katy Perry doll. Sure, you can't fuck it, but I'm sure you can pose it to hug your penis, and isn't that all men really want, a tiny, tiny woman to hug your penis?

Golden Nude In Public

That's something the U.S. just doesn't get enough of: live, naked women showing up in public as advertisements. Clogau Gold painted a beautiful young lady all in gold, and sent her out into the streets as a comparison to the beauty of their jewelry. Debeer's Diamonds: shadows. Kay's Jewelry: long-married housewives getting things from their husbands. Clogau Gold: naked ladies. I think we know who wins this immunity challenge.

Think of Her as Your Mother

Ah, the 1960s, when the sexiness of stewardesses was an expectation, not a sexual-harassment accusation. This creepy ad includes an aforementioned sexy stewardess with a dreamy, "come-hither" look, but with the instruction to Think of her as your mother.. Fuckin' kinky!
The ad reads:She only wants what's best for you. A cool drink. A good dinner. A soft pillow and a warm blanket. This is not just maternal instinct. It's the result of the longest Stewardess training in the industry. Training in service, not just a beauty course. Service, after all, is what makes professional travellers prefer American. And makes new travellers want to keep on flying with us. So we see that every passenger gets the same professional treatment. That's the American way.I'd like some of that "professional treatment" from a well-trained Stewardess, if they don't mind -- it is the American way!

Somtimes, Nudity Helps!

Beate Uhse, European maker of sex aids, has used black bars to their benefit. A new billboard for their business uses strategically-placed nude women, constructing a arrow to point where to go.

Iowa Gets Full-Nude Dancing

A stripclub in Waterloo, Iowa, has finally gotten its wish: the 'juice bar' will be allowed to have full-nude dancing, according to a recent city commission vote. The Fantasy Theater Live has been working in bikinis for the time being, but soon everything'll be popping out for the viewing public!

Britisn Navy Gay Porn

A billboard a British naval museum has some people looking twice: it seems to depict a historic seaman getting some unwanted poop-deck attention. They claim they didn't see that when they looked at it, which just goes to show how often Brits are thinking about anal sex, that they'll read it into anything. Just look at it. There's nothing gay about that pose, is there?

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