Posts Tagged 'Getting Laid'

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Christmas Sex Warning!

While the holidays are often one filled with joy, don't let that joy get to you: all the happiness and alcohol can encourage you to have reckless sex. Please, wait until the Baby Jesus is a bit older before having your stupid, careless unprotected sex.

Sneeze = Fantasies!

Watch out, ladies: if a guy you're with is sneezing a lot, he might have naughty thoughts on the mind. A new study has connected thoughts of sex with sneezing, possibly due to the unconscious body changes associated with arousal, making hayfever season the sexiest time of the year.

Swingers: Not Police Business

When running a swinger's event, you need to make sure you have plenty for everybody to do, but don't make it too extravagant, or you might attract police attention. Obscenity and public indecency are what a couple of swingin' folks are charged with after playing a game which involves trying to get strangers to pose for naughty pictures, and had people engaging in sexual acts in the bar...the bar was closed, but, well, being a licensed liquor-serving establishment they are apparently "public" even when closed. The swingers at the event claim the police were overzealous, arresting people for private acts.

Faking Orgasms

Sorry, guys: if your partner is short or beautiful (and, hopefully, it's a combination of the two), she's probably just putting on a show in bed. Most women of those varieties fake an orgasm more often than the average middle-sized, homely girl. That's not to say she doesn't enjoy the sex, it's just that she wants you to feel good, or she's signaling you to finish...oh, and she might not like you all that much, but, well, you're fucking a beautiful short woman, so you've got nothing to complain about.

Women: Internet > Sex

Poor, poor boyfriends of bloggers: your women prefer to be online than have sex with you. Well, for two weeks anyways - the survey doesn't assume that the respondents are crazy, just obsessed with the internet. Luckily, the world we live in today allows people to both have sex and be on the internet - living in The Future is awesome!

5% Sex Addicts!

5% of Americans are addicted to sex, says "the latest estimates", which means some statistician pulled the data out of their asses. If true, however, look at the place you work, and consider the twenty people there. If you can't point out one sex-addict, then it must be you. Sorry, dude. Now you know why you masturbate so much.

Younger Sisters: Sluts!

We've learned that sisters of homosexual men are quick to drop their panties, but that data may be a bit skewed by this new bit of information. New research from Australia shows that any younger sister is more likely to lose their virginity early, which pretty much means that a first-born, only-daughter is probably not going to give your dick the time of day, fellas. Now, the youngest sister in a family which produced 5 gay sons previously, well, her name is probably "Kamerynn" and gets the best tips down at the topless bar.

Women: Sluttier!

Marie Claire, a bastion of analytical thought (but doesn't cite any survey's source), says women have more sexual partners, on average, than men. Women averaged 9 partners, versus men's 7, and more women averaged 10 partners or more than men. What men want to know is: where are these women, and how can I meet one?!??

Post-Sex Important!

What you do right after sex is very important to your woman, says a new survey from Japan. It says that 44% want more foreplay, 38% want more postplay, and a third rate their partner as 'selfish', all of which mean, "dammit, just because you're dick is done doesn't mean I'm satisfied!" So, guys, going back to your internet porn right after sex might seem like fun, but she needs a bit more from you before you act like the event was a success.

Virginity Loss Flowchart

If you're geeky and really like flowcharts - first, get a fucking life and get laid for once, dammit! Then, go have a look at this flowchart regarding the loss of one's virginity. Note, of course, that getting her drunk figures heavily in the only non-illegal option to losing your virginity, which really goes to show how hard it is for a woman to want to have sex with you. Loser.

Canadians: Muffins, Not Sex

A study of sexual satisfaction in Canada has turned up an odd statistic: their women would enjoy a caramel roll more than sex. I must admit, though - I've been to Canada, and their caramel rolls are fucking excellent.

Art Chicks: Slutty!

As you might have expected, the amount of sex a person has really does relate to their major. Science nerds: not much sex at all. Art school chicks: fuck anything that moves. Don't get too excited, though: the data was collected during a study of chlamydia awareness, and those same art-school sluts were less aware of STDs than their counterparts. They may do more of it, but they're doing it wrong. Use caution if some chick wants to come up to her apartment to look at her 'etchings' - it could be a chlamydia trick!

How To Talk To Girls

If you want to learn how to talk to girls, go to the expert: Alec Greven spends his days talking to girls, and has compiled his list of best tips for getting close to a fine young lady into a new book called "How to Talk to Girls". Oh, and the dude is only nine years old. Even at nine, he's got it all figured out: "Pretty girls are like cars that need a lot of oil." Dude, so profound. There's guys in their twenties that haven't figured that out yet. But it just goes to show: not much separates grown-u! p boys and girls from the third-graders.

Free Sex: #1!

According to a study of what people do in their spare time, now that $400 lobster lunches and buying gold-plated cellular telephones is becoming less achievable. #1 top answer is on the board, Richard Dawson says of 100 people surveyed, 37 people said "having sex" is their best inexpensive pasttime. High-priced escorts? You're in trouble - apparently somebody has figured out how to get laid for free.

Women: Quick Sex OK!

According to a very scientific report, Metro talked to several people who were willing to discuss sexual intercourse with a stranger (who doesn't?), and got some hard-hitting facts about whether intercourse is better than foreplay (see also). Results of Metro's survey? Nobody knows shit about what all women want, and the 23-year-old Alice is a "buy her dinner and bang her in the back of the taxi" kind of girl.

Sex: Cheer-Worthy

When you get drunk at a sporting event and hook up with a woman, discretion is wise, otherwise a group of well-wishers may cheer you on. Well, until security arrives, who brings in the police, who then make sure that you're done with your public sexual encounter. The first couple parts were OK, but it won't end well.

Sweden: Swinger's Paradise

When one lists the things Sweden is known for, you have swedish meatballs, chefs, and seasonal affective disorder, but all three of those are cured by Sweden's biggest hobby: swinging. The writer for a Swedish women's magazine, however, says swinging isn't the "new stamp-collecting", which, thank God, it should never be compared to. Have you seen stamp collectors? No, there's a big gulf there that not even hot blonde Swedish babes can cross.

Fuck In A Small Car

I know I've done it: I used to have a Yugo-sized European 3-cylinder piece of crap that had experienced its share of naked female ass on the various seats, but I had no instruction. Maybe I was doing it wrong! Treehugger has the definitive guide on how to fuck in that new fuel-efficient car you traded your Humvee for. Upon review, it seems like I was doing fine. In my opinion, you'd have to be an idiot not to figure out small-car-fucking on your own, but, well, you're the one who had to have a Hemi. [via]

Well, Crap.

It turns out, men with "antisocial personality traits," such as impulsiveness, narcissism, thrill-seeking and deceitfulness, get laid more often than the rest of us. Let's see...I don't think I have any of those, but Pfizer is coming out with a Viagra Mark II, which includes medications which cause antisocial personality traits, thus giving sexually inept men at least a way to asshat their way into bed. I believe Pfizer's main ingredient is Jagermeister.

How Do Avatars Fuck?

"First you need to buy genitals," is the absolute last thing I want to hear about my future sexual relations, but in Second Life it appears to be a prerequisite for cybersex. I've never thought much about Second Life, other than enjoy stories about how nuts people get over it, like it's the real world. Seems that the human mind is really good at reprogramming itself for new contexts, so to the users, it pretty much is a real world to them. "It would just resemble two clunky-looking characters rubbing their bodies against each other..." oh, wait - it really IS like real-world sex!

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